in my 40's and what my inner child is still telling me

This would surely appeal to all Manifestors, but i don't believe in segregation by Energy Types, so follow along.

We all know how the Manifestors operate with their energy and mechanics in this world - the power of Initiations has to ride though the cycles of Creative Urge and Deep Rest periods. Very similar to how pregnancy and birthing works, where the Urge feels as natural and can happen only as naturally as birthing (OR Pooping!) if you've been through it. You know when the Call to Nature's Door is here, there's no holding it back in. Every mechanism in your body calls you to go sit on your potty, ride through that process (may it be quick, short and smooth!)

And the Rest Cycles....hmmm, the rest is not linear, it is not formed through structure. It is not what every trainer or scientist or neuroscientist or productivity guru has been studying for years, not the you need 8 hours of sleep, x hours of deep REM sleep, x numbers of yoga, x numbers of cardio, x numbers of strength training, eating all the latest technologically developed supplements and balancing the daily activities or various pockets of time and tasks throughout each day, bladdeee, blaaa deee, blaaaa blaaa bla.

It is instead, about being very attuned to your authority, knowing how your motor centres work, what is driving your energy in a almost witchy way, knowing in which how and the best way to rest, will rejuvenate you and bring you closer to your next Urge. It is that natural operandi mode where synchronicities and synchronicities and Aha! moments break through and come forth in your live, making you feel alive, thinking "That's what I am here for!".

Anyways, i thought i'm familiar with all of that, having been trial and erroring it before i found Human Design and AFTER, until this one fine afternoon, i asked the most innocent question (and my longest-suffering question) to my group of friends :

"How are you girls dealing with the afternoon slump, that huge energy crash?"

Because we in Singapore all know right, we all kinda go through it...and of course, fate has the same answers :

"Coffee"

"Go for a walk"

"Make sure to get enough sleep at night"

Until one tiny slap i got on the back of my hands (or at least it felt exactly like that) from this dear friend.

"Hello, aren't you home right now? You're not employed and working regular hours right? Why don't you just go lie down and take a nap!"

WHAM! BAM!!!!

I did practice that 4 seconds pause and breath to avoid my defense mechanism from kicking in, but i still responded in my most embarrassing, primitive form.

"Well .... i'm not home, and the reason why i cannot be home is because if i stay at home, everyone wants to get a part of me in some form. My parents will come over, each of them may want me to do a different task for them or simply want my company. Even my husband or my helper will ask me for stuff!"

That second i hit sent. i felt shame wash through me.

Damn! It's so obvious I'm pushing it to everyone else, it's everyone else's fault! But mine!

So i added....

"Actually, i got out of the house, so that i can get some work done. I need the quiet space and time to build more for The Kin Surfers."

Of course, trust these beautiful girls to respond as kindly and as empathetically and even rationally as they can to MY RIDICULOUSNESS! Their replies were absolutely glorious.

And of course, dear readers by now ; you most definitely get it ya. THE AFTERNOON SLUMP IS TELLING YOU TO GIVE IT A REST (even 5 minutes work magic), YOUR BODY WAS NOT BUILT FOR THIS SG meritocracy shaizen - "LET'S PROVE OURSELVES TO BE THE BEST LABOURERS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD" kind of motto. Comm'on! In the Western countries, they have Siesta and in other countries, they do not start their day until 10am.

Anyway, i still have Aha' moments to share ...

As the shame AND Effing FATIGUE washed through me, i ended up mindlessly walking in and out of the mall in circles ... until i needed the washroom, and as i walked back into the entrance of the mall, i met a mini-famous-local singer i always always liked and enjoyed listening to. She looked listless and albeit a little tired too, but she held the door open for me to pass through without looking at me.

Inside me, i had a mini jolt! Should i tell her how much i lovvveeeee her VOICE? but that second passed before i knew it and i had already moved a few steps into the mall and MAAAANNNN!!!

Immediately, I locked eyes with ONE OF SINGAPORE'S TOP INFLUENCER AND "BESTIE". And yes, she was trying to navigate her way around the lobby, glancing from phone and surrounding; she looked alert and despite the afternoon slump time message of - i'm trying to work this out, she was still radiating glow and shooting energy out from her eyes.

I mean what could i tell her ..... i LOVE listening to her recommendations and guidance on how to live our best human lives? like another 100,000 of her followers and clients and am always inspired and feel guided by her sharing ? (big hearts here)

But of course, the introvert in me walked away without saying anything and within that one minute, every cell in my body had awaken and i knew i had something to tap on. What was the meaning of all this? My Design Sun Gate 47 of Realization was on auto-pilot.

"WHAT IS THE MESSAGE THIS FRIGGGIN' AFTERNOON IS TRYING TO SEND...."

Clearly, the understanding and practice of Rest vs Urge is already checked. So, there is something deeper that needs to be addressed. And i recall what was shared in one of "Besties" podcast - the power of how reframing deep-rooted untrue beliefs brings about more autonomy and joy in our lives.

Where is my instinctual belief "every one requires something from me and that i simply cannot rest at home" is coming from and why is it so? IT CERTAINLY NEEDS SOME RE-FRAMING AND IS UNTRUE. It is also terribly, terribly embarrassing to admit that i am even fearful of having to face or get stuff done for my helper, when the contractual relationship is the inverse. I COULD NOT EVEN REST, WATCH MY FAVOURITE COMEDY OR BE MYSELF, ENJOY MY MEAL EXTREMELY SLOWLY - IN HER PRESCENCE. I'm not even joking, i have to force myself to not do housework along in tandem with her when we are together. This "having a helper" situation has only just began for me, about seven months ago. And in truth, I am still learning everyday how to make it a healthy and sustainable relationship for the both of us.

And sighhhh, i heard the inner child of me, in me, all over again. This unconscious sub-circuit so deeply wired and entrenched and enmeshed in me, was definitely still running my show from time to time.

Please, please understand first and foremost, THIS IS NOBODY'S FAULT, NOT ANYONE'S FAULT. It is not something that involves finger blaming of O' u did this, u said that, i did this and i said that and it is Karma or what-so-ever, that is so easy to bring forth as the surface of this topic.

But this inner child in me, simply never ever learnt to be in my own existence around the presence of family and home . Home and family was for eating, conversing, sleeping in the night and cleaning and lots and lots of "acts of service" as a love language. To gain my worth - i had to be in the acts of doing, performing, studying, acheiving, even if it was just labourious menial tasks, like scrubbing shoes. It was not something as simple as the HD understanding of the undefined root, the "pressure to act. It was this inner child mechanism of me - always seeking to keep me safe, loved and recognized amongst people i love - this was what i had felt and told myself when i was maybe six or seven - and how i carry myself at home in order to gain recognition and love within the family for most of my growing up years. It was almost compulsive.

I also recall my very first confinement after birthing my first child - i simply had no confinement (all the tears! because i didn't know how to rest), i guess everyone at home and even the confinement nanny could attest to that. It was so bad, that i decided for my second confinement, i go to a confinement centre in Singapore, instead!!!

I kind of have a feeling my friends reading this, are going to nod at this - having witnessed me or some of them might even have this same seed of belief. Watch my actions at every steamboat gathering or shared dining setting, my hands sometimes, can barely stop itself from serving.

Yes, part of it might be so entrenched, it is already part of culture. This act of sharing, compulsive feeding. :) But the deeper nuances, the peeling of every layer behind every thought and action. It was a little sad, to be honest. This realization made me feel even sadder for my family members, my sibling and my other half. Do they sometimes feel compelled to act in a certain manner or feel a certain way because of my sub-conscious compulsive belief?

This realization of my mis-truth - what my inner child belived in. Siiigggghh, long exhale, i'm going to have to practice letting this one go. HD cannot help this, only reframing and possibly, practice and/or therapy will.

I am very sure, i can improve this.

Still feeling as raw as the onions here, as you can see.

Now, also, you may be wondering, then how on earth do you as a Manifestor rest? How have you gotten by in your past few decades?

Haaaa, i have a few good mechanisms in place as i have learnt to rest outside of home, or when i am alone. I seriously do the most random relaxing, activities out in Nature or when i am just by myself. That is my tips and tricks to share on another post. But for now, i want to share one of the favourite quotes i learnt from an ex-boss, friend who existed in my beautiful 20's, one of the most beautiful souls i've ever met - she often told me "能坐着，就别站着，能躺着，千万别坐着。“ I hope she reads this, because she revolutionized part of that inner child in me, in honoring why "being lazy" is actually naturally intuitive for the counter-resistant-to-rest, most labourious employee part of me. Sending you hearts, Y.

If you want to share any negative beliefs or untruths your inner child is still pulling you towards, come on over and share it with me. Everything, first begins with awareness.

If you have feelings or words or even tips to share about any topics mentioned above, please do!I would love to hear from you.